transition...

so the transition begins. the word in and of itself is intimidating. transitioning. my baby is going to school (ok daycare). i woke up at 4am to here her talking and wrestling with the miracle blanket (the best, more on that later). i couldn't wait for her to start whimpering so that I could hurry and pick her up. oh, there it is. I grab her and sway her quietly. oh i love her so - her scent is mezmorizing. i started to tear up because today is the day. the day she goes to school. i knew this day was coming, but i couldn't believe it was here so soon. we pull up the school and i compose myself (why am i listening to sad music), i know for tomorrow to pump some stevie to get me right in the head. i put her in the ergo and walk to the door - buzz. we walk to the room and I don't want to let her go. when i do, to let her teacher feed her, i see that my big girl isn't really big at all. she's mighty small compared to all the older kids. I loose it. right there on the bench. i loose it. tears...

after the singing circle, i pull myself together and text jon - "this ish is hard". get us out of here.

i nurse her and feel closer than we have ever been. i am here for her and by God's mercy and favor, she is here for me.